-- Posted Thursday, 24 July 2008 | Digg This Article
| Source: GoldSeek.com
I was startled when Henry Paulson testified before Congress that the Federal Reserve should be given carte blanche and blank checks to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, to do whatever they want with the money, and no matter what it costs.
The amazing part of this surprising argument is that they say that a bailout from the implosion of these two huge monstrosities being bankrupt can be prevented just by giving the Fed that much power to use as a threat! Hahahaha! The analogy was that nobody is going to mess with you if you carry a bazooka. And "unlimited discretionary money" is a hell of a bazooka!
No sooner had those words passed his lips than I knew that I was onto a goldmine here! With a girlish giggle of glee, I leapt to my feet and was in the car, engine racing, tires squealing, speeding on my way to the office since I had (as is customary for me) left early for the day.
But I knew that my stupid boss would still be slaving away in her stupid little office doing her little pathetic job in the middle of the afternoon like this, as she thinks that performing like a little worker bee for this ungrateful, cheapskate company is the path to success.
And she has been thinking that same foolishness ever since she came to work here a few years ago as an entry-level peon, working for a guy who worked for a guy who worked for a guy who worked for me. And now she is my boss! And she never lets me forget it and is always rubbing my nose in it.
But now I have a perfect solution to all our problems, thanks to no less a personage than the Secretary of the Treasury of the United States of America! You can imagine my excitement, because you can't get more official than that when you are looking for policy justification!
So I burst into her office and said, "I have the perfect solution! I call it the Paulson Package! Maybe I'll refer to it by its acronym PP! Give me PP!"
So she asks, as she is calmly dialing the security department, "What in the hell are you talking about? Why are you dressed in a thong swimsuit and a red bow tie in the middle of the afternoon? And why are you wearing it in my office?"
I secretly sneered at her glaring lack of fashion, and I knew that there was no way that I could explain the subtleties of Exquisite Mogambo Fashion Sense (EMFS) to her, so I did not even try. Instead, I pressed the case for PP. "The Paulson Package solves all of our problems! It merely requires you to give me permission to use either unlimited company funds to spend at my total secret discretion, or give me immunity to use a bazooka or baseball bat to whack our enemies, such as any customer that tries to stop buying from us, or bankers that threaten to raise the interest rate on the money we borrow, or use as a weapon against any of our internal enemies, like the people who file Official Grievances against me, always complaining about how I am rude, nasty, argumentative, lecherous, distrustful and creepy, and who are all a bunch of liars and backstabbers!"
I could see that she was not being receptive to this terrific new plan, and probably still carries a grudge about those times when she was a lowly subordinate, and I would tear up her stupid little grievance forms right in front of her stupid little face, and then laugh at her.
Whatever the reason, I am sensing with alarm that my chance for a long-anticipated Mogambo Reign Of Terror (MROT) is slipping away, out of my grasp, perhaps gone forever, after being so close!
Fortunately, I had a backup plan, which I got from a televised report on The Cafferty File on CNN, wherein we learn that the House of Representatives in Washington, D.C. "has just passed President Bush's bill to redefine the treatment of detainees, and the Senate is expected to do the same thing. Buried deep inside this legislation is a provision which will pardon President Bush and all the members of his Administration of any possible crimes connected with the torture and mistreatment of detainees going all the way back to September 11, 2001."
He sums up the real question as, "Should Congress pass a bill giving retroactive immunity to President Bush for possible war crimes?"
You probably see where I am going with this! And you are right; and this absolution of sins works at home, too! In fact, you can now shut down a whole platoon of snotty Social Workers investigating your pathetic attempts to comply with court orders to be a caring, loving father and husband after all these years of alienation and hostility, achieving remarkable legal invincibility by merely giving yourself, in writing, total forgiveness and immunity from prosecution, which somehow also creates binding international law that all nations must recognize and obey!
And the best news is that I am also working on a deal that will get me directly into heaven by absolving myself of all the sins I have ever committed, even in utero, in case I sinned by accidentally touching my wee-wee while still in the womb (which probably happens a lot more than you think, and is the "hidden error" in most other "plans of complete divine forgiveness"), and complete immunity for any sins committed even before the time of conception, if it comes to that!
It's iron-clad legal boilerplate! It's brilliant! It's our government in action! And now it is ours to use as we will! Hahaha!
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Editor's Note: Richard Daughty is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the editor of The Mogambo Guru economic newsletter - an avocational exercise to heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it.
The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron's, The Daily Reckoning and other fine publications. Click here to visit the Mogambo archive page.
-- Posted Thursday, 24 July 2008 | Digg This Article | Source: GoldSeek.com
