-- Posted Friday, 19 September 2008 | Digg This Article
| Source: GoldSeek.com
In an unexpected move intended to prevent the continued slide of financial stocks, the SEC has banned all forms of frowning, scowling or cursing with regards to stock market activities.
“We needed to find a way to keep speculators from forcing valuations of our insolvent financial institutions to zero” said SEC Chairman Christopher Cox. This move follows another earlier move today in which the SEC banned short selling of nearly 800 financial stocks.
“Stopping evil shortsellers from making us recognize when companies are bankrupt is at most a stopgap solution. What we really need is to change the attitude of investors in America. Once they recognize that our failed institutions are actually too big to fail they will realize that the only failure was our attitude”.
“People need to start treating our venerable financial institutions with a little more respect. Until shortsellers forced them to open their books, our bankers have never let us down”, said Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson, “In fact, some of my best friends are bankers.”
One of the foremost experts on the great depression, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, added “It is not possible to have a depression in America if everyone just keeps smiling.”
What’s the next move in the government’s unconventional bag of tricks? “Which is worse: an evil shortseller or the financial analyst that recommended a stock be sold short?” speculated Mr. Bernanke, “These people are advising and inciting others to commit criminal shortselling activity and should be punished. We really need to be hearing only positive things to help us through this time of crisis.”
The Bush administration gave its blessing to the new moves, “We all just need to completely forget about this nasty episode, start smiling and buy lots of stocks”
This article is intended for comedic and sarcastic purposes only and none of the quotes contained therein are actually real.
Peter Forth is President of 4th Systems Inc. and creator of the StockReflex stock market replay simulator. Part video game, part learning tool, StockReflex helps you refine your technical analysis skills and amass trading experience without financial risk.
http://www.stockreflex.net
-- Posted Friday, 19 September 2008 | Digg This Article | Source: GoldSeek.com
