Since I am known as something of a gold bug, a lot of people write to me about gold, but since I am a paranoid lunatic, I don’t read their letters, mostly because I now call myself Marvelous Macho Grande (MMG), figuring that an established alias could potentially come in handy when the prices of gold, silver and oil shoot higher and higher as inflation in consumer prices starts going parabolic as a result of the despicable Federal Reserve creating so, so, so much money, especially so that the despicable federal government can borrow and spend that selfsame so, so, so much money.

So, you can see how a dramatic, romantic new name like Marvelous Macho Grande (MMG) would perfectly suit a guy like me, which is a guy with a theoretical massive coming increase in wealth from investing according to The Mogambo Perfect Portfolio (TMPP), which uses the Austrian school of economics (see Mises.org) and the last few thousands of years of history as Absolutely Compelling Reasons (ACR) to invest in gold, silver and oil when the government is acting so insanely bizarre, as does ours now, blithely deficit-spending a monstrous 11% of GDP, now with a national debt nearing a heart-stopping 100% of GDP, and allowing the Federal Reserve to continue to create So Freaking Much (SFM) money that, like creating too much money always does, it creates booms and bubbles that predictably, inevitably, unstoppably, disastrously go bust, leaving you, sadly, worse off than before.

So, you can see how I am not in the mood to answer emails from people who, deep down in their hearts, are pleading, “Oh, please help me, Masterful Mogambo Guru, or Marvelous Macho Grande (MMG), or whatever in the hell your name is this week: Sadly, I have not been following your terrific advice to buy gold, silver and oil as the One True Way (OTW) to end up with a lot of money without working for it, and now I need one of your famous Secret Investment Plans (SIP) to make up for lost time, else I am reduced to being the widow of a rich Nigerian banker who needs to sneak $100 million out of Nigeria and into your country. In that case, I will give you $50 million after you give me your bank account number and $5,000 in cash to pay various fees, expenses and bribes.”

Alas, I don’t have $5,000 to invest in this terrific opportunity to make a quick $50 million, as likewise there are no Secret Investment Plans (SIP), although I have spent a lifetime looking for one.

Fortunately, constantly buying gold, silver and oil is always the smart thing to do when your stupid, desperate, half-witted, corrupt, clutching-at-straws government is acting like all the other stupid, desperate, half-witted, corrupt, clutching-at-straws governments that created too much money and destroyed themselves over the last 4,500 years.

And if you don’t believe me, then maybe you will listen to the famous Richard Russell of the Dow Theory Letters, who writes, “Investors sometimes get caught up in the day to day and week to week movements in gold and silver. Don’t waste your time or energy on that, just accumulate. Standing in front of us is the greatest transfer of wealth in history. When the dust settles, those holding the gold will make the rules.”

And “just accumulate” sounds so easy because it is so easy, which is why I say, as I always say until you are tired of hearing me say it, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”