I tried to tell my boss that my unexplained absence was because I was so Completely Freaked Out (CFO) that I didn’t know what to do all weekend except hide like a little crybaby coward in the Big, Beautiful Mogambo Bunker (BBMB) waiting for the inevitable collapse of the entire world order because of the massive over-creation of money by the foul Federal Reserve, where I whimpered and cried in fear because We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD) and there is nothing – repeat, nothing! – that can be done.

Naturally, I lost track of time, and so my absence is completely understandable and not my fault, but is, instead, the fault of the foul, filthy Federal Reserve creating so much money, for so long, that the US economy has been turned into a bloated, cancerous, twisted, bloated, government-centric grotesquerie that has almost destroyed us.

I didn’t tell her that through the mist of my bitter tears, though, I still managed to get a good laugh from the quixotic earnestness of Erskine Bowles and Alan Simpson, chairmen of some idiotic National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform trying to craft a plan to reduce government spending in an effort to reduce the national debt.

Of course, before you can reduce the debt, you have to stop it from getting bigger, which is a Long, Long Way From Here (LLWFH) as even former Senator Alan Simpson says, “for every buck we spend we’re borrowing 39 cents.”

At first I laughed with my usual merriment at such foolishness, although somewhat childishly hopeful and enthusiastic about the new commission while managing to overlook the fact that it is just another outrage of central planning to redistribute incomes that is doomed to failure.

Suddenly, I also saw it as a ray of hope! Quickly, I proposed to my boss that instead of her just firing me like she wants to – and like I deserve – I organize a Company Commission on Responsibility and Reform to address my poor job performance, my incompetence and staggering net losses due to my apparent natural stupidity.

She rudely vetoed my terrific plan, just like she always vetoes my Terrific Mogambo Plans (TMP) ever since that time long ago, in one of our first power-struggles after she came waltzing into the job opening that should have been mine to fill, when I casually asked her if she was buying gold, silver and oil as a defense against the horrifying inflation in prices that will result from the Federal Reserve creating so much new money.

She acted surprised at the question, but admitted, smiling to be nice, “No.” Boy, you should have seen that pleasant smile disappear from her stupid face as I was instantly on the attack, telling her that that meant she was stupid, as anybody with any brains at all knows that they should be buying gold, silver and oil with frantic abandon in response to the foul Federal Reserve acting so treacherously!

Ergo, I went on, I didn’t think that it was appropriate that I take orders from somebody more stupid than I, and if she wanted me to listen to any of her “boss” crap, she had better get some gold, silver and oil soon so that she would demonstrate enough smarts that I would value her opinion enough to even listen to it.

I am not going to dwell on her reply or the brouhaha about how “cleaning the executive washroom” mysteriously appeared on my Job Description, but I will note for the record that her reaction is partly responsible for my now being totally AGAINST the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform, as I always figured I would be.

So, I go back to mirthlessly laugh – Hahaha! – at their arrogance, their conceit and their up-to-now total ignorance of the decades-long growing problems, caused by the Federal Reserve creating the money that made the problems financially possible, that underscore their glaring incompetence.

As for the economy, a dollar not spent by the government is a dollar not received by somebody, which reduces national income dollar-for-dollar, which is Highly, Highly Significant (HHS) now that state, local and government spending constitutes slightly more than half – half! – of all spending in the Whole Freaking Country (WFC), meaning that government spending IS the freaking economy! Government spending is the economy!!

And this is Just The Beginning (JTB) of the misery, because this horrific fact is made worse by that whole ordinary Multiplier Effect of the velocity of money, compounding the economic misery of each of those missing dollars as it no longer bounces hand to hand through the economy with everyone making a little profit and governments taking a little bite at each exchange, nibbling, nibbling, nibbling at it until it disappears totally.

And let’s not forget that every dollar is now the basis of a whole universe of derivatives, leveraging each of those dollars 10-to-1, 20-to-1, sometimes 40-to-1 – and more! – meaning that the total impact is some huge, unfathomable, terrifying multiple of this!!!

And now these weenies think that they are going to reduce the debt? Hahaha! If Simpson, Bowles and the rest of National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform weenies had a clue about economics, they would note the use of the rare triple exclamation point at the end of the previous paragraph and correctly deduce that the only intelligent thing to do is to buy gold, silver and oil, which is not only the only the smart thing to do, but the easy thing, too! Whee! This investing stuff is easy!