If you want some bad news, then Doug Noland, in his Credit Bubble Bulletin at PrudentBear.com, has some for you. He reports that that “Global yields are on the rise.”

I was going to make a complimentary comment about how cleverly Mr. Noland conveyed such bad news in only five words; “Global yields are on the rise.”

Then I noticed that I could be more concise than Mr. Noland, a rare triumph for me, with “Bond prices falling,” which is only three words.

Then I noticed, with some alarm at the schizophrenic overtones, that I could eclipse myself with, “Bonds collapsing” which could be further reduced to the one-word synopsis, “Doom!”

I can say “Doom!” because this means that the gigantic, towering, incalculable, worldwide glut of bonds have all gone down in value, handing the owners of the bonds unrealized losses, which are just the start of a long string of losses to more and more people as interest rates continue to rise because inflation in prices will rise with the rise in central-bank money creation.

Naturally, I was going to flaunt my stylistic success in Mr. Noland’s face, and say, “Up yours, Noland! You think that you are so hot because you are so clever, and so educated, and so smart, and have so much research and experience at your fingertips while I am just a frustrated, hateful little man hiding in a closet under the stairs, hacking away on some old computer. Well, two can play at this game, Mr. Noland! Hahahaha!”

I was almost finished dialing the phone to call Mr. Noland, and I was chuckling at myself as I imagined how the conversation would go.

I figured he would answer, “Hello?” and I would spring the Mogambo Surprise Attack (MSA) and immediately say, “Up yours, Noland! I got your terrifying ‘global yields are on the rise’ distilled down to one word! One! I got it down to the word ‘Doom!’ How do ya like them apples?”

And then I figured that he would ask, “What?” and I would say, “It is I, the Mogambo, who is kicking your brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit butt in describing the effect on bonds falling in price, on the falling wealth of holders of bonds, and of rising inflation in prices to match the rising inflation in the money supply thanks to the foul perfidy of the treacherous Federal Reserve!”

Not to brag or anything, but this is not the first time that I have personally bested someone who is an intellectual giant compared to me. Usually, whoever I called to inform them of the fact would, at this point in the conversation, usually hangs up, like that time I outdid Marlon Brando with my memorable acting scene with me crying out, “Stella!” but with me on my hands and knees puking my guts out all over the place, overcome with Stanley’s remorse and fear, his bitter loneliness despite the love of a good woman making him puke! “Now THAT’S acting!” I told Brando just before he hung up.

But we both know the real score, which is the important part!

Anyway, this is not about how I have finally matched Mr. Noland after all these years of him making me look bad, and cause people to write me and say hurtful things like, “Dear Mister Mighty Mogambo (MMM), How come Doug Noland can literally overwhelm us with important facts and figures gleaned from around the world, but you never actually do anything except run your fat mouth and work yourself into an hysterical hissy-fit about inflation because the Federal Reserve is creating so much money? (signed) Curious in Columbus.”

I kindly respond, “Dear CIC moron, It is perhaps more than coincidental, in a cosmic kind of way, that CIC stand for both ‘Curious in Columbus’ and ‘Currency In Circulation,’ which is the sum total all the coins and bills created by the Federal Reserve’s stamping machines and printing presses. And this increase in literal spending-cash is up by a goodly $54.4 billion in the last 12 months, and which is $544 added to the money supply for every one of the 100 million private-sector workers in American workforce, and who are the only people in the Whole Freaking Country (WFC) who can make a profit from their labors with which to pay taxes!”

In case CIC missed my point, which is that I both fear inflation with a mortal dread, and that I am a vicious, vindictive little bastard, I go on, “I mention this, you moron, only as a small, small example of the outrageous inflations in money being perpetuated by the foul Federal Reserve, the biggest to date being the new Quantitative Easing (QE2) to create another $600 billion in new money (and $900 billion with reinvestments) in the next Six Freaking Months (SFM)! So when inflation in prices starts eating you alive, then we’ll see who is having a hysterical hissy-fit about inflation in prices!”

I finished with, “And then, on that glorious day in the near future, we will also see who is saying ‘Oh, woe is me! I did not buy gold, silver and oil as protection against the inflation in prices that the Federal Reserve was creating with their inflating of the money supply so that the government could deficit-spend us into another $1.8 trillion in debt!’ versus those who bought them and will thus say, ‘Oh, happy and rich me! Whee! That investing stuff was easy!’”